The Wedding Breakfast

I am now of an age where most of my friends are either married or having children.  I have therefore been to a fair few weddings and no two of them have been the same. 

I've run across London not to miss the ceremony.  Watched Z stand on a street performer's chest whilst he was laid on a bed of nails.  There was the obligatory fight on the dance floor.  The chief bridesmaid was evicted from the building after she was caught letting herself into the hotel cellar and liberating a couple of bottles of wine (the cheap stuff too, some people have no class).  These events were all at separate weddings, I was at them all, and none of them were mine (I hope).

The process of getting married, for those of you that haven't or won't, is extraordinary.  The day itself is over in a flash.  I was told to take time out, stand back and try to take in as much as I could.  I only wish I'd taken that piece of advice more seriously.  The months of planning on the other hand seemed to stretch on for ever.

Choose a wife.  Choose a church.  Choose a minister.  Choose a great big venue.  Choose toast racks, pottery, DAB's, crockery and cutlery. Choose flowers, cake decorations and a colour scheme. Choose a car sent by lorry from the other side of the country. Choose your guests. Choose your family and friends. Choose evening wear and matching luggage.  Choose marriage . . . But why would I want to do a thing like that?  There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got a menu to select?*

We spent a great evening at our chosen venue going through the dishes we could serve to our guests. We'd already crossed half the options off the list due to prior knowledge of our guests allergies and foibles. Great Aunt So-and-so, doesn't eat thingamy (not after you-know-what) but the chefs weren't to know and it was free as part of the package.

We picked what we thought was a well balanced three course meal, one that would soak up the pre-meal booze and yet not hinder the post-meal indie-disco.

I'm the one in the middle in the skirt, not the white one.

Today I have been to yet another wedding and I can now count cars, coaches, double decker buses, boats and trains in my wedding modes of transport list.  The hovercraft is still to be achieved!

Over these various weddings I've eaten three course meals, finger buffets, pizza, hog roasts and chips from a port-side vendor.  I have also managed to live the dream of drinking champagne whilst stood on the footplate of a route master double decker bus.

I am not about to become a food critic and tell you blow-for-blow about the meal I have just eaten, unless I have cooked it, that's not what Tonight's Menu is about.  I'm not going to run my fork of truth through dishes I've eaten in restaurants and friend's houses.  I want to tell you the stories behind what I'm eating and today I had the pleasure of eating a Wedding Breakfast.

If you are planning a wedding don't get bogged down but do pay attention to everything, try watching Father of the Bride (I forced the In-laws to watch it) it breaks the ice.

To Jane and Andrew, congratulations. May all of your dreams come true.

*Kinda Trainspotting, but you knew that.